Introduction

A wise friend said to me once, when I was contemplating quitting corporate life and setting up a business of my own- you have to think about your reason for going into business. It is a very big challenge, and you will meet obstacles and possible failures along the way, and only by having clear goals and a good understanding of why you have chosen this path, will you find the strength to meet these challenges head on and not give up. I am not sure if it was because of this piece of advice, or because I really did not have a good business concept to begin with anyway, but I decided to shelve my business fantasies for the moment and stuck to my 8-6 job. Little did it occur to me, he had not simply given me a lesson in career changes, but a real lesson in life.

I have always been introspective and I think a great deal about things like “what is the meaning of life”, and why my relationships fail. I have been called over analytical and neurotic on more than one occasion, which I always shrugged off, well, externally anyway. I have always found that writing allows me to express myself with the least inhibitions, that writing my feelings and thoughts down allow me to look at things more clearly. When my father passed away rather suddenly from pancreatic cancer, at the age of 48, when I had just turned 25, I found myself embarking on a crazy emotional roller coaster ride. Between bouts of immersing myself in work, and crying my heart out alone in my tiny apartment in Tokyo, I wrote to my father in my diary, and that always gave me temporary relief.

The ride got more and more extreme as time wore on, and by the end of 2004, I thought I would have an emotional breakdown. I missed my family, I hated my job and the people around me, I was lonely and was turning more and more to substances to get through each day. The goals I had set to myself seemed meaningless and the one person I had always depended on for advice and direction, well, basically had passed away a year ago. On the surface I seemed to have it all- worked in 3 major cities by the age of 26, had 2 degrees, spoke 3 languages and had great friends and a loving family. Everyone thought I had great strength of character, being the pseudo head of the household, and having so much focus in life. In reality, I had never been more lost in my life. I was asking myself more and more what was the meaning of life, what I really wanted, and how could I make myself less unhappy.

Then in February of 2005, I made a trip back to Singapore to spend the Lunar New Year with my mother and 2 sisters. It was a cathartic experience, a life changing trip, and it was then that I found the answers I had been looking for. Turns out, I had been asking the wrong questions all along! The last year, I thought that I was simply going through what is commonly known a “quarter life crisis”, when 20 somethings start questioning their life decisions and goals, and try to find their place in society. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, having to be the head of the household, a role model for my 2 younger sisters and a support for my mother. Instead all I had done was make myself a victim. I felt like I had been thrust with these responsibilities, that life was unfair to my father, to my family and to me, and now I struggled to make things right.

The strength of the people around me, and the love and support they have shown allowed me to ask the right questions, and hence I found the right answers. This is the reason I decided to write this book. I have read many motivational books and felt that many of them are useful, but many also border on being preachy, dry and boring. This must have rubbed off on me, as at the peak of my obsession with inspirational reading material, my sister got tired of my over zealous crusade to rescue those around me from losing themselves in the so called abyss of depression, and told me to get a life!

I hope that through my book, I will help other young people who are searching for meaning in their lives to ask themselves the right questions to find the answers they are looking for, but also find amusement from the anecdotes I have included! I have been fortunate to have been blessed with a good life, to be surrounded by amazing people, some of whom I call my “guardian angels” and to have had opportunities that many others can only dream of.

This book is not an autobiography (heaven forbid I should think the 26 years of Daphne Wongs existence would be material for a best seller!), but a celebration of people, of love and of the journey we only have one chance to enjoy, the journey called Life. I have read many books on psychology, self help, motivation and the lessons I have learnt from these books, I have tried to implement in real life. Some were wise, others not so. But the main thing that remains is everything is an experience from which we can find some meaning, and every obstacle in life should be a challenge, one which will make us stronger.

I hope that you, the reader, will find hope, inspiration and direction from my book. We all look for a very simple thing in life, and that is happiness and god knows we can all do with some help! You could have the best sense of direction, but with the wrong map, you will never get to your destination. Not only that, the journey would be a rather unenjoyable one!

Each chapter is a part of my life which I feel has had a significant impact on me and has played a big part in moulding me into the person that I am. It is my hope that the reader will be able to empathise with some of these experiences, or at least enjoy the anecdotes this book offers.

I thought for a long time about how the book should begin, and decided that the best place to start was with the end.

So find a comfortable place to relax, have a latte, and enjoy the ride!

Chapter 1

Daddy

Anyone who has read motivational or self help books might have come across this suggested scenario- imagine you are at a funeral; your own. How would you like your eulogy to be? What sort of legacy would you like to leave behind? Loving wife? Caring mother? High flying CEO? Philanthropist. Only when you have a clear idea of your life goals, will you be able to make the right decisions to achieve them. In fact if your meaning in life is to join the circus and entertain the world, then start now so when you die, Bozo and the lion tamer will be there to send you off to the flying trapeze in the sky!

I doubt very much that Daddy had lofty ambitions as a young man; he was a bit of a rebel, climbing the neighbours trees and stealing their fruit; he smoked and drank and boasted of fights he got into at school *although the skin tight t shirts and bell bottomed trousers he used to wear throw a shadow on his credibility; it seems questionable that one should be able to engage in extreme physical movement in such constricting outfits! Daddy also had a bit of a reputation for being pedantic, almost bordering on obsessive compulsion- at the end of each school break , he would take a towel to class to wipe down his seat so as not to dirty his white pants.

Daddy left school at 16, and joined the company he would remain at for life, working his way up from machinist to becoming the first non American managing director. He was not a linguist, by any stretch of the imagination, and we were constantly amused by his brand of English. An exotic large green fruit with translucent juicy pulp became otherwise knows as a @pomeloaf@, which one would sly into large segments for consumption. A strapping, good looking bloke is what he would consider Hamsom, although I am not sure if being compared to the smoked meat of a pig is considered a compliment. His jokes were somewhat inconsistent- sometimes side splittingly funny, other times, well, lets just say if puns were the best sort of humour, then Daddy was your favourite late night stand up comedienne. Not convinced? Heres a classic-
there used to be 2 hotels that we would drive past on the way to our favourite little eating place. In between the 2 hotels was a small piece of land. One day we drove by and realised that a petrol station had sprung up there, to which daddy quipped – well , at least the hotels will never run out of GASTS…

Despite his occasional language faux pas, and undeniably unique sense of humour, Daddy was an excellent public speaker, and a man with vision. He led his life with conviction, and anyone who entered his life could not help but be touched by his sense of fairness and generosity. Daddy spoilt his family and friends, buying us expensive clothing and jewellery, lending his car to his brother in law whilst himself taking the bus. He took great care of mother when she was ill, and bailed out my mothers sister and brother in law when their businesses hit hard times. Yet he could not bear to spend $20 on a pair of shoes for himself, and his favourite after shave was a strangely coloured liquid $5 liquid going by the suspect name of Denim.

Perhaps the thing that I admired most about my father was that despite having strong principles, he never forced his beliefs on anyone else, least of all on his children. I asked him once, how he could stand going to the same company every single day for the last 20 years, and he simply said @ I like what I do@. How true that was, one can only guess, but he definitely had the right attitude; if you’ve got to do it anyway, you might as well be positive about it! Here was a man who made it to the top of his career by working long and hard, and yet his advice to me was to take risks in life, because you only have one chance at it. He never wanted me to live in Australia, but he gave me his blessings, believing that I had a right to live the life I wanted for myself.

When Daddy was diagnosed with cancer, I flew back from Tokyo to spend time with him. They say that when a person comes to the end of his life, he spends a lot of time reflecting, which I am sure Daddy must have done. In our chats, he spoke of his experiences, what he felt he had achieved, where he had failed, his regrets. When he recounted his first business trip, he started to cry-

“I had never been on a plane until then. Can you imagine how excited I was? I even went into the cockpit to speak to the pilots! As my company makes aeroplane parts, the flight itself was an eye opener for me. Look at you, only 24, and you’ve already been around the world. Remember not to take these things for granted because they came easily to you. Most people never get the same opportunities you’ve been given.”

I asked Daddy if he feared death, to which he replied “the only thing certain in life is Death (I am pretty sure someone mentioned taxes as well, but it didn’t seem necessary to bring that to his attention), so what is there to be afraid of? Don’t be afraid, take risks. You are young and only live once, you have nothing to lose. I was lucky to have achieved what I have by working hard, but if I didn’t have a family and responsibility, I would have done things differently.”

Daddy passed away 2 months later, and his funeral was a grand affair. The Chinese believe that the more important you are, the bigger your funeral should be * to be honest, it is my belief that the Chinese were the ones who coined the phrase – size is everything.* I sat at the front of the hearse as we led the procession to the crematorium. At the request of his 300 employees, we made a detour past his company building, and they all stood outside to bid their final farewell to the boss they loved and would dearly miss.

So he wasn’t an academic, although he did finally obtain a diploma in management at the age of 45. My best friend was somewhat bemused to be sharing lunch in the university canteen with an Uncle, and wasn’t too sure about having an after meal cigarette in his presence. His creative expressions were limited to the occasional foray into expensive home renovations, where he showed a distinct preference for a certain green/ brown combination, implementing this colour scheme in the bedrooms of 2 homes, 2 bathrooms, and as I would find out later, in his office AND the bathroom within his office, and let us not forget, his bath towels and bedspread. It is a relief to me then, that he chose a career in aeronautics and not interior design, which would most definitely have been a lot less successful!

What he was, however, was a loving husband, a compassionate boss, caring father, kind friend and a generous human being, who believed that one should give without any expectations, so as to live a fulfilling without disappointment. This was his eulogy and this is his legacy.

Whether we are rich or poor, CEO or owner of a little corner shop, the thing that makes us special are the people we touch in our lives and this is how I have found meaning in my existence

Take a moment to think about what would make your life worthwhile- if you were to die tomorrow, how would you like to be remembered? Then start right away, live your sly of life and live it Hamsomly!