The last 2 weeks have been a time for decision and results. My GMAT was finally completed, applications are in and fingers firmly crossed. Met a professor of INSEAD yesterday at the Westbourne. He is a mate of a friend and we had great conversation. He pointed out that 670 was pushing it and that makes me jittery about my chances of getting into the business school i so DESPERATELY want. Despite his repeated assurances after getting to know me better over several glasses of wine that my personality makes me a sure thing, I continue to have my reservations. But then whats the point of worrying over something I have no control over? ah but no, we always have control. Hence my trip to INSEAD on june 10 will be somewhat of a mission. To meet and greet those who will have a part to play in deciding my fate, and to make a delible and positive impression. The rest, is up to God (so to speak).
I made 2 other decisions this week. I decided that my italian mate was just not right for me. He suffocated me with his passion, and he did not impress me with his inability to make decisions. Life is not about partying hard and looking beautiful all the time is it? We all have to make tough decisions, and putting it off till the next day is just ensuring that you will one day wake up realise that youre 40 and nothings really changed. So i put my foot down and bid him adieu. But for once in my life, i did not run. I faced up to my responsilibities, and the part i had played in the demise of this short lived relationships, and softened the blow for him as much as i possibly could. We all have to grow up sometime.
I decided that i would give my relationship with my mate, my client, a shot. He seemed like a player, but he had shown patience through these months. Everything seemed to be right. He was driven, funny, intelligent, a little selfish, then again, we all are. It seemed like bliss. Today we went to the park with my new roller blades, and after we tired of spins, 360s and the like, settled down to a lovely and ridiculously expensive and lousy lunch in the middle of st james park, skates and all. Then he dealt the dreaded 6 words- I have something to tell you. Turns out he and his ex gf of 7 years had started communicating again. She is living in Switzerland but is contemplating moving to london. so he thought honesty was the best policy. They might just get back together again, but nothing was certain and he would be happy to keep things between him and me the way they are now.
what does one do in a situation like this? through the rest of the day, through lunch, more skating, kingdom of heaven, I mulled over the best move. Then i decided I had to make a decision. I would let him go. He wasnt really saying, i am not sure what will happen. He was saying, lets keep things easy, so i can have some fun whilst she is away, and when we do get back together, well, i wont be the bad guy coz i already gave you a heads up. or maybe.. i am a paranoid freak!
so there you go. You make your bed and you rest in it. Any regrets? not really. I am just glad i realised i always have a choice, and its up to me to make the best decision. and to live with it.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
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I'm so proud of you making changes in your life. But don't be so melancholic and moody and analytical and such a perfectionist (although it's in your blood, can't help it). Yes, we all have a choice, but things are not meant for your control. You make decisions and then it is out of your hands. Accept things when they come and be strong. There's always One you can rely on when everything else fails. Your path in life is fixed. Whatever you may be experiencing now, however shitty it is and how miserable it makes you, is all meant for you, according to the choices you make. Make different choices and it's all in the path of your life as well.
Do I sound like yoda?
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