Paris. Vive La France!

Ok Wen, please dont call me Che. It is to totally weird... but do tag. its very nice of you!

Just returned from a weekend in Paris. The city of lights, and definitely the City of Love. After much tactical organisation, Lucas managed to bluff his way into an early train to Paris, and I somehow managed to change my ticket ( which was apparently non exchangeable, so thank god for incompetent Eurostar staff). We were off to Paris on the same train, granted he was on business and i was in cattle class. I do applaud Lucas for his valiant attempts to get me upgraded and offering to pay for the upgrade. When we arrived at his hotel, which he had kept a secret from me as a special surprised, I was blown away. The Four Seasons George V! The plush 17th century interior contrasted beautifully with the modern designer flower arrangements, with lush stalks of purple flowers perched at gravity defying angle in tall crystal vases. The service was impeccable, the room had an intricate crystal chandelier, clusters of bittter walnut dark chocolate and sweet almond nougat welcome us, and the toiletries were nothing less than Bulgari! We proceeded to celebrate the start of our amazing trip with a glass of red wine in the terrace that overlooked the inner garden, then headed out to meet with his friends for a night of food, wine and french music. by 4am he and i were the last man and woman standing, well, sitting, and scoffing the most succulent steak washed down with another glass of crisp, cold Sancerre.
The next morning, I awoke in my lush king sized bed in the George V, the light of the beautiful parisian morning trying its best to penetrate the thick, brocade curtains. We walked by the Seine, and appreciated this rare moment- a lesuirely friday morning on such a beautiful day, in on eof the most beautiful cities in the world. We had breakfast of croissant, baguette with confiture and expresso, then it was time to bid au revoir- He had a meeting to clinch a million dollar contract, and i had an MBA to pursue.

My hotel room was a serious anti climax by ANY standards. The reception reminded me of a cheap chinese restaurant, I had to grope in the dark to locate the light to the staircase that would lead to me sad room, reminiscent of sleazy mid afternoon liasons. However my trip to INSEAD was fruitful. The presenter at the open day assured me that my GMAT score was more than enough, and it was my entire profile that would be considered. AS I strolled along the open spaces within the campus, I was taken aback by how secluded Fountainbleau was, with non of the vide of Paris. Is this really somewhere I could spend 1-2 months of my life?

On the train back to Paris, my thoughts fell to the magnitude of the underatking I was pursuing. Would I really be able to give up a year of my life to pursue an MBA, all out intense studying, networking, no salary, exorbitant school fees, then hopefully graduate and maybe get a job in my chosen field, only to have to repay a debt to my family?
the next morning I had breakfast at a quiant little cafe near my motel (yes, MOTEL), and as i ate, I observed the other customers, chatting in French, smoking like chimneys and drinking beer at 9 in the morning. Only in Paris...
As I walked around Primtemps with it designer shops and cute french sales staff, the doubts I had form the previous day resurfaced.
I have met a man who has everything I want in a person. Intelligent, confident, funny and in control of every situation. In his own words, he really likes spending time with me, BUT he is not able to commit right now. Ah, there is always a but. My heart tells me he feels the same about me as I do about him, and that Paris had had the same effect on his feelings as it has had on mine. If I choose to ignore his words, his actions prove that he wants to be with me. But my mind, ah the ever cautious and cynical mind, tells me to step back, turn and run.
In paris, Italian boy sent me a text to say I complete him and that he would change for me. That only made me surer that he is nothing I want. Which 34 year old man would think that changing for a person is the way to make a relationship work?

Paris was like a fairytale, but also a turning point. I miss my family, and I miss love. But whilst I have been looking for a place to settle my physical being, I have not yet found a place to settle my soul. No matter where I am, I will be lost if I do not find myself. In the cab on the way to George V, he told me he got an offer to move to NY with his firm. It WAS what he wanted he said. And now?

do fairy tales always end up happily ever after? I applied for a job with Goldmans today. What comes after, in family, love, career and happiness, who knows? But I will always have Paris!